Added a new song to my playlist of the best songs i've ever heard in my life. It's called Train of Thought by A-Ha.

haha! the voice was magnetic plus the melody was there.you see. den as i read the lyrics...itseems that it's talking about being schizophrenic?? having minds full of strangers?? below is the lyrics

He likes to have the morning paper's crossword solved
Words go up
words come down
fowards
backwards
twisted 'round.
He grabs a pile of letters from a small suitcase
Disappears into an office
it's another working day.

And his thoughts are full of strangers
corridors of naked lights.
And his mind once full of reason
Now there's more than meets the eye.
Now a stranger's face he carries with him.
He likes a bit of reading on the subway home
A distant radio's whistling tunes that nobody knows.
At home a house awaits him
he unlocks the door
Thinking: once there was a sea here
but there never was a door.
And his thoughts are full of strangers
and his eyes too numb to see.
And nothing that he knows of
and nowhere where he's been
Won't ever quite like this.
And his thoughts are full of strangers
Corridors of naked lights
And his mind once full of reason
Now there's more than meets the eye.
Now a stranger's face he carries with him
And at heart he's full of strangers
Dodging on his train of thought.


Then today had psychopathology class and we talked abt personality disorder. I realised that i have afew comordity of different disorders.. which is quite sad...

i have avoidant PD(personality disorder), dependent PD, a little of narcissistic PD( grandiose view of abilities and preoccupied with success of great success, yes i do that sometimes) and Obsessive- compulsive PD(different from OCDisorder, i had a tendency to be a perfectionist???)

That's categorised under fear cluster of PD.

How bad is that?? i may not qualify for them if i were to take the PD test...like DSM iv TR.

but sooner or later..i might.. so scared man... oh currently i am working of maternal attachment styles predicts depression project. and i believe i had insecure attachment with mom...andi may have the tendency to be depressed... hello! i felt as if i had them now! no lor..i AM having them oready. cos whenever there's obstacle..or when i 'fall' i feel terribly sad.


hey man..i m not tat weak la.. i'm trying to be strong here....( but in another words, i may be just faking it. put up a brave front. hmmm..... plausible)
hey..i cant destroy the image i have in my dream man... i want to be someone successful... strutting like some big and pretty bizness woman! haha!! butbut.... i have another dream i wished to realise..
that is to get into the media world.. and be famous.. like those people who does the makeup...or photography..or for styling.. or anything that's gotta do with media, fashion, art.. but
but...
but... i know i got no talent in there cos 1...i dun no anthing bout fashion..i wear very 'song' clothes. dunno how to match clothes. den make up..i know nuts about it!!!

art?? i dun do painting..or drama...or lit...

photography? yet to explore. might call up the company to take up photography job. :)

psychology?? duno eh..haven gott he motivation to check out. working as volunteer?? i needa mahneh!$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
those jobs with criteria so high..i doubt ican cosi've yet to finish my bach.!

I want to take up violin!!! piano?? nah.. quite bad at coordination(cos need pract. lazy..muahahaha!) guitar?? i tot of it..but a little boyish..i find it not really nice cos it's afterall a boy's instrument. yes...i know i shouldnt have that kind of thinking despite taking social psych and sociology?? am i right to quote that 2 subj?? heck la!

how bout music making?? lyrics writing?

i need to be philosophical first then.........LOL! like MORTEN HARKET. the things he spoke are like gold. weigh so much, with meanings!

Right. how shall i start? I guess i'm someone who doesnt know how to make and maintain frens.

i'm starting to lose all of my friends i made when i was younger. I lost my primary schools one, slowly, i am losing my sec ones...I'M THANKFUL TO THE CLIQUE WHO STILL ASKS ME OUT WHEN THERE IS EVENT. i should be thankful yes. but sometimes, or rather..as always...feel so strange when i'm with them. feel so 生疏. feel so uneasy, because i know the fact that, they had to do that so not to make them feel bad for making me feel so left out. is it the looks? i should really get myself out of that dimension though. but probably i dunoo how to maintain a convo..and i dunno how to speak with tactfulness. i'm trying man. but what's wrong!?

yes, at least i'm still with them. oh..where's keerth? i've yet to go out with her despite saying i wanted to. Grr...

i'm starting to be so aware of people's feelings and thoughts( or rather be aware of their non verbal lang till that i starts to imagine stuff) am i being schizophrenic? or should i say i'm having avoidant personality disorder? (check them out urself on wikipedia.org) it's really a torture having this kind of mindset, or i guess i need to change to 'disorder'. i am having this fear that's haunting me....and it's eating up more of me these days. darn. i'm actually crying now while i'm writing this. how dumb! (*laughs)

JC friends....i guess i lost them too. Council...i've never been close to them at the beginning of the term. tried to..but it was too made up. too fake. was never close to the 'maids , agency, and masters mistress', never close to Jane and becca group. not close to Brin's and the arts students. never close to the physics people, and most of them are with the arts students. i'm not trying to segregate them from what i was from, science. but it's easier to see it that way...for u and from my perspective.

hmm my cliques from jc...the few good friends that i really treasure, are the only ones that i'm still in contact. i pray that we can stay that forever. they are the only ones who don't 'blame' or are fascinated in a way or so of me... at least i get some attention( real and focused). I THANK THEM TOO. :)

Den those close friends i used to have from Deb. now seems to be in a world so far from me. I tried to reach to them but lightnings just prevented me. yes their kind of lightnings. Their wittiness and their confidence...and their sense of humour, and the way they talk made me the odd one out. i guess attitude should be inside of those i listed. i utterly lost them for real. No longer anyone from Deb contacts me. True they do have their own lives. but normally frens would nudge you to say hi.. but i dun get that. I , not checking the msn, believed that most of them ..nah.. some of them blocked me? probably none even. i'm back to my hallucination again.. wait.. hallucination means u dun know that you're hallucinating... hmm what is that word theN? shucks..forgotten...really need to read up again for my abnormal psych.

yes....saw some fotos of the peoples from Deb. Even Angl. went. The four of them, 2 guys and 2 gals, one of whom was someone i once looked up to. I still do. but i guess i'm not that suitable to be her fren afterall. different mode of speech. I must apologise once again for offending her before she flies to aus for studies. Well, before that, i've always tried to be on my toes when speaking to her, afraid that i'll offend her and kena shamed by her..and kena humiliation. and yeah..eventually that moment of offence came. is it some kinda pre-destined? (dellusions here)

i guess i lost the 2 guys as frens too becos 1, Gl. is more hyper and i dunno what to speak of when i'm with people like him. It's not that he's not good. he's good..funny and i enjoyed their company. but becos i was afraid of speaking stupidly and of speaking lousy eng, thats why i retreated, not wanting to speak much in my lousy eng and be bimbotic... well..in a way or so, for me. The other one, Luc., was some one i guess i adored before. hmmm of course, i got over him the day he confronted me when i guess the one i looked up to told her. prbably not...if she said its not her...ok..someone else...
or probably my actions were too obvious??? sigh... 17-18 yrs old liao.. still act so stupidly. sigh..
i can only look back and laugh...no longer be ashame cos those were experience that we all normally will go thru. who haven acted stupidly before? We all mature as we grow and each stage of maturity, lands us on a platform of higher actualisation, to look down on those stairs of mistakes, and say 'how arduous we've come thus far!"

yeap..councillors of the 19th wasnt near close at all. so totally no contact... sad... oh... Chal. this thai guy, once a crush of mine now no longer in contact with him although his nick keeps appearing on msn. he..i oso dunno why dun wish to contact me. it's not the crush part ok?! that's like i said...the past...foolishness.

ok... come to uni...it's kinda pathetic... now that i've got a few friends, i ought to say my prayers. But.. still not that open enough i guess. i need for network. I'm in the line of sales and mlm..i need to speak up..and smile!

i guess i spoken enough of my lamentation. currently i'm listening to Morten Harket's and A-Ha's songs. Morten's songs are the only sole consolation i have to accompany me to walk the treacherous roads ahead.
Bless Me

Touch me

How can it be

Believe me

The sun always shines on T.V

Hold me

Close to your heart

Touch me

And give all your love to me

To me...I Reached inside myself

And found nothing there

To ease the pressure of

My ever worrying mind

All of my powers waste away

I fear the crazed and lonely looks

The mirror's sending me
These Days

Please don't ask me to defend

The shameful lowlands

Of the way I'm drifting

Gloomily through time

I reached inside myself today

Thinking there's got to be some way

To keep my troubles distant

Touch me

How can it be

Believe me

The sun always shines on TV

Hold me

Close to your heart

Touch me

And give all your love to me

i presume what they meant is, hope for those who are wanderers. those who have troubles finding themselves when they looked into themselves. What roles to play is what they get is what they see from tv.



i am sure i got e last part wrong..but hey, i dun get a chance to talk to A-Ha. If not, i'd asked!

Forever Not Yours by A-Ha

Hold me tight

This is a lonely night

And I've hurt you baby

Because you are my light

Make me strong

Just like you make me weak

When your hands reach out for me

Even in your sleep

I'll soon be gone now

Forever not yours

It won't be long now

Forever not yours

Memories they keep coming through

The good ones hurt more

Than the bad ones do

The days were high

And the nights were deep

And I miss you baby

I miss you baby

I'll soon be gone now

Forever not yours

It won't be long now

This song is so nice and it somehow had an impact on me. It doesnt mean that i had a relationship but. more of general rlnship. Yes bf and gf are forever not yours. although you will think of them, still love urself only... cos that's the way to compensate what we've given out( if other party doesnt treasure you)

Right, i have a confession to make.

I'm so in love with Morten Harket! I loved the band A-Ha and the songs he sang. I'm constantly amazed by the way he speaks and acts. I even had his pic on my desktop and as wall papers on my handphone. Songs are constantly repeated because of the melodious tunes. I love his attractive voice and i'm very amazed and yet curious about the way he sings. He's unique and the one and only one who caught me so unprepared in seeing myself so crazy about him.


i should be blogging about other stuff like homework and etc but...i guess i'll find other time. :P

Summer moved on by A-Ha

Summer moved on
And the way it goes
You can't tag along
Honey moved out
And the way it went
Leaves no doubt
Moments will pass
In the morning light
I found out
Seasons can't last
And there's one thing
Left to ask
Stay, don't just walk away
And leave me another day
A day just like today
With nobody else around
Friendships move on
Until the day
You can't get along
Handshakes unfold
And the way it goes
No one knows
Moments will pass
In the morning light
I found out
Seasons can't last
So there's just one thing
Left to ask
Stay, don't just walk away
And leave me another day
A day just like today
Stay, don't just walk away
With nobody else around
Seasons can't last
And there's just one thing
Left to ask
Stay, don't just walk away
And leave me another day
A day just like today
Stay, don't just walk away
With nobody else around

Summer moved on

Analogue by A-Ha


Come back, my darling one
I'm calling on you
The road ahead is long
And I must warn you
I wonder
Where did she go?
If I failed you
I tell you right now
All I want you to know; I love you
All I need is the time to show you
Come back, my fallen son
Don't let them fool you
Cos when the day is done
They'll never move you
Lay down your senseless pride(Got more than you)
Put out your mournful tones
I tell you right now
All I want you to know; I love you
All I need is the time to show you how I feel
Feel(Lay down your senseless pride
You travelled once too often, yeah)
I tell you right now
All I want you to know; I love you
All I need is the time to show you how I feel
All I want you to know I love you
All I need is the time to show you how I feel

It's been quite sometime since the last time i blogged. had quite a few nice dreams and recently i found my love for an 80's band called A-Ha. sadly for the trio, i can only remember the main singer's name. hahaha! den had 1 week and after today, it'll be 2 weeks of school. haven really settle down yet because of A-ha, and procrastination is in me. still.


right, icant remember what i dreamt but the recent one was dreaming of Wisnu in his cool white motorcycle. it has a white cover over the lower front, so u dun see much of the parts. no front wheels but just back. and it's brand new. we( me and wisnu) called out to the aloof looking wisnu but he heck cared us. hahaha!


den recently got the chance to actually 'talk' in a group for class activity with DaXuan Kenneth their group. that included Jacintha and Melissa WOng. oh...i talked to andre's fren too. Glad that i fairly had a nice time with them...

A-ha, a bad formed in 1981 caught my attention when my bro asked me about this famous song, Take on Me on youtube. I went to check it out and realised that i knew that song but never knew it was that pop and the song that catchy! The comical mv a-ha had was great! and it was this mv that made them famous. I like Morten Harket, the main singer of a-ha. He's absolutely exotic! i get sooooooo head over heels over his eyes and smiles!!!
songs like 'you are the one', 'stay on these roads', and 'crying in the rain' are my fav!

i spent like the whole afternoon yesterday till about 8 to find stuff on A-ha. sigh...its not a good thing to boast i know and i was and i am so disappointed with myself. but i shall restore with more studying of the book during the weekend...haha!!

Loves Morten Harket!