music: in praise of the vulnerable man - alanis morissette

what's the point of being so strong all the time when being strong results in you creating armies and walls to protect yourself and never ever letting anyone in?



Got this from Rayner's blog..and acknowledging this fact gives the credit to him for putting this up. It coincides with this blog that i read though. Yes.. the friend i always say..haha!

well...what to say when he posted that entry up!? To help or not? To ignore or not? to be in contact or not? to be friendly as always or not? to even talk or not?....



millions of questions can run thru my head now..but i chose not to..cos...i guess i'd just remain neutral...For that meet up..i guess we'll make our friend the mitigating factor..to 'neutralize' what embarrassing moments there will be when we all meet up. i say 'will' as u can see..cos i know there will be...as always i supposed.. even a 5 mins one. sigh...i somehow....sympathise him? or should i not?



becos he said it's just him..that's him. dude..me too, o'right? but i managed to try to overcome that everytime i meet pple.. ......

well, to the very extent, calling someone is still the worst barrier i've ever met... i dread and hate calling pple...darn! even if its just calling up some bank to ask abt some point system! bloody damn it! why why why? sigh... i dun have that kind of fear in the past. i dun have that kinda fear man!

oh...just as i was cursing, i saw the lights on the buildings(residential) in front of my window lit up! haha!! what does that mean? LIfe aint that scary at all!


i guess i really need to call others more often. but i always worry abt bills. haha!!! i'm saving for my dad.. yes..u can call me a spoilt brat. i waste money.... but on the other hand i keep saying that i want to save up. what a contradiction!


i need to work harder. for everything in the world i'm attached to. ya. studies, work, feelings, life.....

ah yes... Life... LIFE!!! what a word!! u can attach all those wierd words to it. yes.. like oxymoron, contradiction, innuendo, pun.....sh*t...scary place etc...


ok.. i shall not figure out the meaning. cos it's subjective. many pple attach diff meanings to it.. some religion would reply.. It's God given, live to tell the tale( truth, legacy...etc) of God.. bla blah.. please..i must once again make my stand clear that...i'm a freethinker... i believe in all religion as they all exist and have their own kind of worships and tales.... end of story...



and...i need to get out to meet new friends..i'm always a hermit crab.. darn!

Right...after watching the videos on mediacorp regariding RI's win and Nic being a celebrity...I just knew that he's afraid of being called the 'celebrity'. ya.. THE celebrity sounds fearsome..at least to him becos haha! probably after the debate on celebrity shouldnt be given the attention cos of the bad influence.

he's kinda afraid that he'll be attacked by those anti-Nicholas Quah. :P please hopefully there isnt. He's just a cute little kid... or we can say a teenager that every girl is hoping to have a date with!

when reporter or journalist or paparazzi caught him and asked if he preferred any girl from the opposing team( nygs), he showed his wide grin now and then. oh my goodness!!! That will be a sweet scene to witness. but i'm sure he liked someone judging from what the writer wrote for the article in mediacorp... let me guess... eewei?!??! that girl whom he was up against with for the finals?? i guess she's the one he like.. if not why would he stand with eewei for phototaking? and that close? and why would he be the 3rd speaker? must have arranged. hahahaha! and when receiving the prize..or when the winning team was announced, Nic shook eewei's hands, cant see how he had his eyes looked like... but i can see that Eewei's looking at Nic intently..eh..dearingly? or admirably?? she looked at him for quite a long time...wit that gleaming eyes... correct me if i'm wrong but dun try tagging me and scold me that it's not when the actual fact it is! unless u did it wif ur fingers crossed( not fingers at the vital parts, hahah! still could rmb what nic told ashish when they were interviewed)

ya..i guess it was a longer hand shake between nic and eewei as compared to nic and jessica... I'm not sure if nic had anything for the 4th team member..the one with flowers( in da pics on The Arena website)

ya... but i guess...Teen heart is a growing fonder for new experiences.

Go for it Nick! :P:P:P i'm seriously curious what subjects Nick is taking in his sch.

I cant believe that simply talking about Nick Q will actually gain me that lil fame...

not really a fame but, at least caught 2 person's attention.

Does that mean that i should be responsible for blogging about him, and nothing but him? updates of him so pple will visit my blog and hopefully write in to the newspaper and say, hey, this girl blogs about the lil celebrity!


well..i shall not..although i shall occasionally if i ever ever had his info. DO i want to share then if i had his info? nah! haahhaha! ok i shall be good....


but i know i still wontget the chance. He doesn't even know me...but i will talk more abt his styles as well as THE MOTION HERE AND THE FORUM. dun tell me u guys duno abt e Arena forum...Gaurav is in there too. He's attractive cos he's knowledgeable. but nick q makes a better one becos of his smiles and magnetic voice + etc.

ok


i'm super bored now even though i needa mug for forensic currently...but dang! the book is boring...the notes are at least better... I can pass this..cos infront of me are 4 talll residential buildings, with 1 long stripe of changing colour lights each!

it's a beauty! becos it's 4 stripes, there are a few combinations of colours. plus it's nt just stationery colours, they change colours smoothly.. really beautiful when the night is dark!

fom my side, it's beautiful...but in a few years time, i guess they are building another building in front of it..and wath the hell it's going to block out my only entertainment! :(


ya.. it's the one near united sq...and ya..u would have guessed where i am staying . :P

OH my goodness!!! can you believe it?? I was sure already that NICHOLAS QUAH was going to be the best speaker for today's motion. "Freedom in speech has gone too far on web."

OF course to my expectation, he clinched the best speaker award not only for this motion , but also as an OVERALL BEST SPEAKER AWARD FOR THE SEASON!!!!!!!!!!

woohoo!!! i knew it! His charismatic style never fails to enchant all the judges. PLus his analytical skills.

FOr today's motion, i tot the prop did quite a good job in defining the case..and they were clear in the arguments. but they seemed to have raised certain issues in e debate and dropped it...not picking up again. THough the last speaker did help sum up beautifully the case, they i think forgot that Nick pointed out certain issues that are untouched by e prop. The prob of the case persists of course, and in actual fact there is no clear winner. bUt rather....RI scored becos of they wre able to do the clashing and point out the 'loopholes' (as said by prop of the regulation system...) taht prop forgot to tackle.

I like Ashish and Nic's style. esp NICK!! OH MY!! ok...gotta compose myself! both had the 'general view', 'bigger picture' style... but what's the diff?


Ashish's humourous! esp with the Indian one! :P

Nic...always that calm..thinking well before he speaks,. he likes to show 'why' and tat's good, cos he's explaining details...and he knows them! bravos to him!

and oh my..i just noticed his fingers today.. super smooth?? and long?? what the hell..i'm ashamed of myself...that's referred to as the 'learned' or the 'high class with intel' hand.. (according to what my observations tell me, according to many observations i had) that's what i know of guys.. :P:P:P

ya...and wait a min..i dun need to be ashame cos i have my parents to blame thats all..or rather fate and destiny this mysterious process at work???

yes..and back to those 'IF ONLY....'

yes if only my mom had met other fathers..:P i'd prob be a princess by now..with better personality and a better way of carrying one self...

IF ONLY! ya..and i'll do a good deed for my child by marrying a guy like him...ahhaha!



but wait!! i repeat! like him..not him! in case some pple fail in reading accuracy.


well... if i were to marry a guy, it will be someone tall( it'd be good, but den again... height is not a matter when it comes of love), quite pleasant looking, intelligent or smart u'd say(although there isnt much dif), well to do family, filial, good personality, someone i can talk to and interest me, matured( not = to old please!), humourous at times..., great at books and practical...eh..perhaps u can say have a good relationship with pple.....good habits!!!!( VIP, i hate hate hate those bloo*y smokers! act cool nia...hello? u're indulging in urself only.... oh bad for kids too), it'd be better if they are responsible yet sensible( so that they would be so stupid until pple say 'u still gotta do this to get this money' when in actual fact, they want u to work for them!) ah!!!! ARTICULATE that's 1 of the main point too! cos he will teach my child good eng.... it would be better if he's got a brit accent... the kind Jessica Hsuan had in the parental guidance

oh a patient father too....



i guess i'll stop here, in case pple think that i'm being crazy.....eh.. i'm just merely stating what i prefer... and i dun mean to tell pple that i'm desperate or something..

Its sharing man! it's 'GLOBAL COMMUNICATION' (As cited from Nicholas Q)

Right.....that monkey ass ben got on my nerves again...well prob i had my wrongs..thats why he got fed-up..but hellow..he doesnt see that he's immatured..why can he act like some 18 or 19 yr old teen?? he's acting like some 14 yr old kid!! why cant he act like at least the standard of my cousin?

watver i dun wish to further talk abt someone who's .........argh! i know i have my wrongs but haha! so what? i'm not going to elaborate! xP


ok...i know what you think...you find it embarrassing to just meet me one to one..hello wait...i know how you feel... hello dun be scared dude...cos i no longer harbour any intention of u..thats like soooooooooooooo way back... well..since u asked other fren to tag along, well.. i'd say it's even better...the more e merrier. but ya..just wanna clarify that u dun needa have that kind of thinking that i'm meeting u and only you..just becos what? spend the time alone with u..
eh no pleaase...


i dun mind buying 2 yummy cakes though! :P wah.. at thought of cakes...woohoo!

ya so my friend, you know i'm talking bout u...u better ask our fren when he can...den tell me...dun let me wait..

oh if u happen to decide not delaythe meet up....i'd say u better not..i'm not threatening here but becos it's hurting my pride if i were to keep asking...and it would make me feel guilty for not realising what i've said...

purely that..no other else..

i found a guy,, or rather i linked from Janice tan's friendster page to her friend's male fren. it's the first time i sw a guy taking so many of his self-portrait... how vain is that!?

well he's quite a good looking dude. and of course, it's his 'passion' to take fotos..well i dun blame him for being that vain..cos it's no of my biz. but i'd say the fotos he take are moments of life..he take beautiful pics and best of all, he give great caption for many of e fotos he took. hahaha!

want to know who? haha...u might want to ask me den i show u.haha



btw...i havent finish revising my social psych! how how??

oh went to eat with mom around 4 plus at Globetrotter in United Square. the stuff are super ex..me and mom..plus some take-aways =75dollars


i was like...what the hell?
Quesadilla( i know wrong spelling) was yummy! but the mozarella(the sticky one?can pull one?) wasnt enough. den mom got crab meat linguine, and me, a chicken caesar. dad had Carbonara ...Funghi haha!! funghi=fungi=mushroom

so funny..

ya..den i overhead this mommy chineseZ,asking this tied up long hair uncle(heck care abt my eng..cos i'm writing this at 1250 AM) whether they sell balloons. she wans it for 1 boy and 1 girl. rmb! 1 boy and 1 girl. she asked what colour do they have. what do they suggest den?

ok ok..here comes the part! that's when i know that social influence..conformity comes into play!!! culture of the construction of gender is the lead actor/tress. i told mom abt it...of course, she doesn't know what the heck i was blabbering abt.haha!

as i was saying she will get blue and red, the mommy said' ok, give me blue and red colour.'

how coincidental??? or how typical you would say???i'd say, too predictable!

of course, even if i were blind, i'd know she tied the respective colours to the respective gender....oh my god! this time, i told mom and myself that if i had a baby, i wouldn't choose that colour. i'd prob choose green( embrace e nature!) or purple e royal colour? hehehe! nah...e only colour came to my mind was green.


awhile later, an ang moh mommy brought 2 cute lil kids( ok la,,not that cute) and the waiter..a tall eh..malay guy i guessed attended to them. He served e dishes to us too..and he acted in a very polite and 'service-oriented' style when he asked if we wanted pepper that will be crushed at that instance.

ya so when they arrived at the table, he was soooo fake oK!?!?! he even say hi to the kids. what? are you trying to garner good impression, in hoping that the mommy will praise him and say he;s got good service attitude..and he will be promoted or get some GEMS awaard? puh-lease!

btw..the food wasnt that nice..cos the salad had a SLAB OF CHICKEN meat on the veggies..with bacon that FATTENING! oh my! Mom's crabmeat linguine tasted like some tuna fish smelling and looking linguine. argh!


oh 2 reasons why i din take e foto. 1, too obsessed with eating, 2 no habit of taking food pic. i must take whenever i'm dining in such western restaurant. the food are normally pesentable...and Sam and Dawn always do tat..to get pple attracted. haha! oh...one more reason, i normamly dun take pic unless they are super nice! or super beautiful!

i dunno but i have a feeling that i'm stepping on ppple's toes...and ya..esp Deming's...dunno why...

i guess i'm too much of a busy body, tagging my comments on his fotos on facebook. :(



sorry but i really meant it as just friends talking....i dun mean to say things to let you think, 'what, you're the photographer or i am the photographer? dunno dun act...'



of course, these are what i imagine..the not so worst case scenario. Sorry...but becos i'm looking from an angle that we are alumni frens, that's why i dare to comment....

anyway...srjc-alumni blog was having prob..and i've been finding ways to try to upload the 'will run' photo, but to no avail. :(

i needa get itup now...oh..facebook too... talking abt facebook, there's not much activities i can do now..cos i cant spend my time at Zoosk or mindjolts...or green patch or feeeding my animals, can i?

i still got 3 more subjects to revise..darn and i haven finish social psych.



anyway..saw Dawn Yang e sexy model on the IT newspaper. she said that she earned 1000-2000 dollars a WEEK! can u believe it? oh my. she looked a lil like Xu Ruo Xuan, a taiwanese singer....i think.


oh she said she drives a SLK! Merc of course! my god..so young driving that.....cant compare...i need to stick to my intelligence style. kekeke!


oh...ya..she knows agri, and sam.. woah! same social circle u see..the clubbing kind, the rich and fashionable kind...oh my god!


well i cant live that kinda life..just be stable. oh Melissa Goh! she's getting a CLK!!??!!? can you believe it??? oh my god! (again)

i really need to pia for my position too....说到做到！

oh my god! He replied finally! Yay! Nick Quah replied! ok..shall stay composed..he's outwitted me ok...a 15 yr old kid outwitting a 20 year old old lady... :(

of course he doesnt remember me! he said he's either too young or i'm blistering great to be rmb..what the helL? suan me...seems like i'm the bugger...whatt he..

but anyway...i saw Chere See being their former coach...hmmm i was wondering at first who is chere see...den oh!!! she's Chere SEE, the raffles powerful and very influential debator...i believed Glenn liked her..as in jokingly i supposed...as those who knows Glenn Wong from ELDS the skinny small ear kid...haha!!! so Chere See is now in NYU!!! oh my goodness!!!

Sian...pple get to go top sch ABROAD somemore...but dun worry...i'm going to..prob UK? if i get to have good results..and perhaps after hons...or bach..i'm going to work first...PPLE OUT THERE!!! SUPPORT ME BY NOT SHUNNING ME WHEN I SPREAD THE LOVE TO YOU!!!

Love would be the solution to your needs!

i cant face Nicholas Q now.....so embarrassing!

today was a monotonous day...andi wasted it w/o revising much
cant even finish 1 chapt of social psych...sigh!


well what else occupied my time other han helping my mom to fix or do plumbing work for, the basin pipes?

prob u would wonder, where's the guys???? well...Dad din help, using his mouth to delegate the lousy job or some man manual work to me?!?!?! Den this case, you would ask, where's my brO?

i'd say save it! he's a big boar with nothing but games in his mind. He's lazy...and it gets on my nerves whenever we asked him to help and he doesnt. well...afternoon, he did help me though... just a lil..tiny weeny bit...and i'd say i'm grateful though the fixing of the pipe by him did work out well enough. i meant the screwing part of one connecting pipe with this 'bowl' that holds the water under the basin...if those who've seen it should nkow what i'm talking abt...



he did help..thanks... but what abt tying the newspapers?? those we wil lsell tho galang guni(wrong spelling???)??? mom ASKED him..to help. but he said he doesnt want. but HEY! if she could do it herself, she wouldnt even ask him! sigh..that e problematic part...


ok..back to my dad,...perhaps he's old..thats what i told myself to reduce my cog dissonance. no choice ok!? who ask hiim to be my dad, i know he's just relaxing...but i needa tell myself he's old and he wants to train us! right! yeah right... well..ya..really right cos he always does that.hahahaha!!!!



so that bloody thing got my whole afternoon away...haha..plus abit of slacking...watched tv...and oh! i needa silicon the basin sides too...thats what took my time up! yup yup...that's a tiring job man ........esp without the caulking gun..(i think it's callled caulking gun...) it's terribly tiring !!!


ok..den wasted time again..by waiting for the zhu chao to defrost the herbal chick...told mom that we could wait alil while more before we leave e house.

but nvm....



if u see a dent behind my car, shhhhh.. dun even ask. not me...just dun ask...
oh..

Qy if u're reading...you gotta 守诺言... cos i seriously dun want to see my friend doing things that will harm her and her friends... hope that u can see that i'm coming from a friendly approach... i mean no harm no hatred no anything i swear!

I dunno if it's me or what what... he could be busy resting, or busy going out with his friend for meet ups and outings...but what about mine? well, the initial plan was to meet up to give him the cake, but ended up... like..nothing happened? seriously, i would love other people to taste the yummy cake. i msged him, er..hp and online. but it seems that he's not replying. has his hp gone missing? or the person appearing online wasnt him at all?

i dun like calling people. even answering calls from any pple i havent realy contact makes me feels jittery.

what am i suffering man!? mobilephobia? (mo- bee- lee-fo-beer) haha!

i never call and i would not call unless situation calls for it. although this is a situation, i would still notcall becos who knows, he might be busy with something and miss the call or in a place where all is quiet and his fone rings the whole place, placing himself in the centre of attention.

i think too much for others. is it time for me to think for myself?

i still need to find a balance in there. thinkingfor others when the thing benefits them like the work i am in now, it's super beneficial.

den when is it thati need to think for myself? there are a list of it, and it would be a hassle. who noes, what i thought to be for myself might be for others in actual fact???

i needa break from these kinda mental retardation. i'm growing stupid-er day by day

Yesterday was officially the last lesson of Forensic Class.. WoohoO! BUt BUt, i feel kinda sad now that we have to part each other as well as the class lessons. IT was fun for tutorial! It was special because unlike other tutorials, this involves in many action and thinking. Alot of role playing and by making use of the notes, we come up with lawyer's case to pit the skills of them against other teams. It was tough on the lawyers and cheers to them!

so yesterday we reviewed our video and we had to say what we can improve on and what was done good and could do better. haha! surprisingly, or coincidentally, i wore the same outfit!! exactly thesame outfit as on the day of the enactment of the scene. haha! yes..same shoe, top and pants. what the helL!? except for my socks, they were yellow yesterday.hahaha!


Sad to say, we sat with Gab and ahem, tortured by her....my hand was doodled...with stat??? oh plus the word S.D.. You would say standard deviation, wouldn't you? hahah! no no...it stands for ... wait..i shouldnt even expose that here. It would be too embarrassing for the drama queen. :P:P:P!!!


hahahahahaha! no i'm no drama queen. Those who are drunk will never say that they're drunk. haha!

i'm just being lame. :-s

oh, yeah. our group members at the final lesson were a few only. Gab, QY, Annie,Jessie, Ming, Wisnu, Julian and me. Stella, diana, mikael, fred and...tirnadi didnt come...and i duno what they're up to.

HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i knew what Mikael was up to yesterday during the period of lesson. NO he din come. i saw him after we alll dismissed. I was on my way home on bus 5 and when the bus was at the Orchard busstop, i looked at the people coming up. ok...no handsome dudes. hahah!

so the bus went off until newton...and when i tot of looking back to the front of the bus, guess who i saw!??!?!!? yes yes yes! That's him! Right in the front seat!

It's Mikael and......his gf!!!! can you imagine? givin up 5 marks for his girL? iono how he thinks. can't blame him. there are factors that can help him. yeah...too bad he din notice me...he got off with his girl first ,1 stop before i got off.



so yeah. becos of the playful duo, QY and Wisnu. i had to walk all the way to novena from my bus stop just to give Annie's hp to Wisnu. Yes, they put it in my bag and din want annie to know..and being the sotong head, went home with it. :S
wad a night.hahah!

Well, after much thought about the life i have as compared to Nick's, i've decided to live his kind of life...i dunno what kind..but i supposed it would be reading lots of newspaper, news on line and to give my opinion to what i think should be the way. In another word, 'confidence' , as cited from Nick on the video on the arena website.


yah, to be confident so i can be intelligent...haha! how it rhymes. oh, to think critically too...that's super important.

of course, i'd stop being so immatured into thinking that i'll talk to him in person. yes, i'll not be immatured like those who tagged on my board saying that i'm a freak. I dunno if she meant it for real or for fun, but of course, using a very nonchalent way of thinking regarding such immatured stuff, i'd say it's all subjective.

Right. I'm not being crazy over him but i'm more interested in what his family did during nick's mom's pregnancy, how his mom brought him up, the teaching style, etc.

Cos i am seriously concerned over my future son, how he will be like and how well he's going to excel in his life, just like Nick Quah. I'm so awed by his calm yet clear analysis of the debates he's in. If i were to stand infront of the crowd, not to mention on tv, but just mere sparring session during cca times, i don't think i'll be able to be so calm to think thru logically. Besides that, i'm super weak in my eng...or gp. i need alot of reading up which is something i do not really enjoy. If it's for leisure purpose, i'll be interested.

After quitting debates for something not so intelligent like Council, i realised the importance of reading, and keeping myself updated. But, i dunno why, i just cant reserve a time for reading. i'll be either watching tv of some dumb storyline or lazing around, surfing net while doing my hmwk...which is totally what the hell?


ever since, i read abt world news rather than local news when I HAVE THE TIME. in another words i seldom...sad..i need to read nw...esp bbc news, which is not biased like The Straits Times?

I've always admire the intelligence, rather than beauty. BUt recently before i watch The Arena, and of course the ever charming Nick Quah, i was so obsessive about dressing up beautifully. even though it wasn't that beautiful, still i would think that beauty is everything. so Wrong! Intelligence is better than beauty and women would be ultimate if she is equipped with intelligence with beauty.


I dunno if i'm living in the Utopian world whenever i think of Nick the super intelligent kid. (intelligent here would also mean, matured ) i know the meaning of both words are totally not the same, but i'd like to group it under the section where i would refer to when talking about ideal guys. Why i said utopia was because my reality doesnt really need me to debate..or to talk about issues like in debates. Besides that, i rarely read, except for those journal articles that's so eww... oh and no more junior college env to enjoy the youthful atmosphere. I like to relate debates or anything interesting to jc level because it's this time that we really enjoy what we do and be free of troubles of the adult world. oh...and to compare with my current school, jc totally rocks my world!!!!!!!!


ya, i get a split in my mood everytime Nick and my reality clashes together. It's a super terrible feeling. I know i should just face the reality and forget Nick as someone i knew. BUt the fact is, he's a 15 yr old Rafflesian, Singaporean, and i've talked to him before! i cant ignore that fact that he lives in Singapore. It's not as if he's some tv super star, eg. Rain?? He's someone whom i can reach out to get closer.


of course, not like some crazy fan, but hopefully, talk??? i always have this fear for the intelligent people. I get super careful in what i say in case i make a super big fool out of myself. I need to appear intelligent so people wont think, 'what is this 20 old lady trying to do? why is she making friends with 15 yr old kid. i don't want to talk to someone who is of lower eng or lang standard than me.....etc...'

i know i shouldn't say that despite the lessons i've learnt during social psych. but i cant help it.


ya, the first time i took notice of him was when he's sec 1 and i was an usher for ELDS, as a volunteer. den i saw this SUPER CUTE LITTLE BOY SMILING AT ME! yes, he's always smiling! just like what you saw on tv. oh my god! that cute angel's smile is just so innocent and i was wondering, 'awwww. what a sweet smile this little boy gave me.' He's kind( i guess) cos i chair-ed the debates and ushered them! i even exchanged conversation with him. just a brief brief one...yes i know..so brief that he dun even remember of course!



i think it was the srjc invitational?? or something that i believed was to be the finals. held at srjc...and ya...i guess it was that year.



oh i den did a search on google, and realised that there are over abt 30 blogs that mentioned Nick's name. oh they even had this theory of 'Quah Effect'. that is whenever he is on the platform for to speak, girls and even guys would take out their camera to take shots of him. he definitely is a charismatic boy, even at such tender young age. Ok, perhaps no longer a boy. Saw him on arena on 12, and when compared to the Nick i saw before on the Arena, he's definitely grown alot!!! oh my!

can see that his body takes shape of a young adult, esp when he fold his sleeves up, making him look more macho.haha! oh and his face is bigger?? i duno bout that. but ya...his smiles are not that cute, esp with those youth pimples. but hey, he's still on the cutest boy/guy list! I always like his smile. i guess it's his mini eyes, those lips( rosy red with think upper lips) and his kind natured look that won him a title.

i'm not being a paedophile here or neither am i head over heels abt him. It's just that i observe people reallly closely until i sorta know what is the thing in that person that attracts. Hey! i guess i will be going into the same line of study with Patrick and Reuben. haha!

oh..yeah perhaps let me reiterate what his future will be like..or perhaps prophecize his future.hahaha!


btw, he looks like some grandson of Lee Kwan Yew! He might go into some jobs that he is passionate abt, to help people and many pple will fall for him. he might get a gf, but not that soon even though he sorta expressed alittle of his envy during valentines day of those couples, that was written on blog. perhaps, sales job? i duno...perhaps not.. but oh ya... lawyer??

but i guess he might go overseas to further study his...i dunno what subjects he take but assuming that he's a triple sci student?? i dunno la... i'm not any Dumbledore...haha!


but i'm glad that i took the courage to send him a msg. i need more confirmation to such bravery. I'd love to hang out with those who speaks eng like Nic does.
OH oh...do correct my grammar too. i need some guidance over there too.

Nicholas or Nicolas or anything along that line are some smart people, taking my friends as example...

Oh my! What can i say!?!?! i'm terribly sad that every girl is talking about MY Nicholas Quah Er Chuan.

i bet no one in their blogs(i googled Nic's name and found out that many many girls blog about him, oh my!) ever mentioned or knew his chinese name, right??!?!?!?



haha! oh my! i'm so proud! But of course not to compare with the girls who are in the Raffles world know him.

shall cont abt him tmr...cos i seriously need lotsa time to blog about him.

i will be touching on the brief history, the reasons and the search i did on him.

hey, i'm not any paedophile or some peevey person, ok!?

Phew! i finally almost finished my social psychology essay!!!

i've reached 3000 words already (including citationssss) and i'm glad!

but i'm worried that i did not fulfill the criteria for the essay.... :( sian....

i dunno la...the scope is terribly wrong. and the depth is horrendously wierd!

but what to do!?!?!?!?!

monday 13 may is already the deadline.....and i haven really do up the abstract and references!!!

shiitttssssssssssssssss

i need to buck up next sem. meanwhile, i needa buck up on the env and stats reports and read up on the stats notes...cos i'm having a major spss test on thurs... :(

oh...revision would be a battle...and exams would be a full time war, of many destructions...yeah...of my brain cells and emotions, of course...


Bless me. oh btw, you do realise that there's a lot of 's' right?, yeah they meant for 'sucky' too. ugh!

with regard to my previous post, i seriously still cant find what constitutes my SELF. although i've gone for the social psych lectures on Self, social perception, group dynamics and so on, it seems that i could only help others to regain their self and related stuff( i put the word 'could', so it means that i normally fails. hahaha! ) However, it seems like I cant counsel myself and i cant help myself to find the self.

after reading my friend's post, i realised that i seems to hve a similar case man! haha! to be happy becos i've got a mate who's like me? or to be sad because my fren's in a terrible state like i am.

I guess my friend's in a better yet worst state than me. why the contradiction? Bettter because my friend did not lose his self identity. my fren knows what is it and its a choice as to whether to go back or not. For me, even if i really had gone back to my self during certain situation, i wouldn't even know because i assumed too much roles. LIke what my friend said....


assuming roles is not difficult, you just have to act it out that's all and laugh it away, coming back to reality. But is it just assuming a few roles only?? is it just assuming thats all? i guess not. everyday we meet different people of new faces and of different characters and mood. we want to be liked, we desire to be like anyone else so we do not appear as freaks who is the odd one out of the norm. thats what we call in social psych, the NORMATIVE INFLUENCE. (all capital words will be words derived from the 'social psychology alive' book)<br>
practically, i live by what others define me as... in another words, i have HIGH SELF AWARENESS(or monitor). i am so conscious about myself that i worry about how and what people see me as... i am sad if the person doesnt like me, i'm happy if the person often talks to me like some good fren. i have high self-esteem when i dress up pretty BUT when others dress the same. I have low self-esteem when i know others surpass me in certain areas i regard myself to be incompetent in it.

ya..that's what my friend's a little better. My friend's worst than me when there's a large group of people. my friend do not know how to react i supposed.. dunno to adhere to some social rules and put on a vizard assuming certain roles. I understand tat man...but for me, i'd JUSTIFY it by giving myself reasons why would i want to socialise. is there a purpose?

i know there's no obligation to do that because i myself dont like that either. but what for should i increase my facial cuticle to make friends or to socialise? I hated it but i tell myself, i'll need them one day. or it will be fun to talk to someone of different perspective. I live by this idea that making friends is to gain knowledge from people. They may have experiences taht we dun and they may be the opportunities that we are searching high and low.

Attended this talk in sch by Mr KAMAL KANT. He gave a career hunt talk and he said that 'not all guys talking to you(in this case i'm a girl) would mean that he likes you.( and vice versa) you need to go out there to network. be brave and you might find that opportunity hiding in that dark corner.' he advised us to not 'look udner the light', which means that we should not only find opportunities that are in the light but to search..and not wait.


oh my...he is so right...i really take my hats off him.

well...anyone can say that this post is ALSO dedicated to my friend. i'm not saying that i AM but i said i ALSO. that means i'm writing this becos i am in this predicament and i was inspired to write in a more formal fashion...


social thinker

I'm soooo glad that my friend send me a belated bday msg....yeah..that's when i msged that i cant meet up, my fren din even msg me abt the meet up...well..i wonder what my fren's thinking. and, it's a little too late, isnt it? i guess my friend's too busy with school work... so yeah..forgiven..:P well there isnt anything thats wrong here, right? my fren's busy..so the reason is there...

welll i didnt actually blame anyone if no one rmbs...cos ya..i'm not really a person who is so wow as those people with money and friends and the coolness. i admit that i admire those girls with friends so close, so fashionistic( if theres such a word) and speaks with a particular characteristic...if u dunn what i mean, go out with me and i'll show you what i meant...esp when we're at orchard. it would be like, 'wow, it's like..oh my god! (american accented with bimbotic hand actionsss)are you kidding me? (super american accent), i wouldnt even care(bitchy style)'
of course, not really those kinds..haha! just kidding..i'd admire girls who speaks with a certain elegancy...thsoe realyl high class girls with a special charisma...



yeah..sort of that kind, you get the pic?

and i like girls who has the money and friends, and they gett o throw parties..attend parties and dressup with such beauty..oh my...talking about that....i need to maintain my not so fair skin and to pull my hair line back(in case no one knows..my hairline's very close to my face..which is wat the hell.!?)

oh ya..so talking of throwing party, i'm intending to throw one for my 21st bday. yes..imma invite many pple to a place which is very high class, and perhaps, i'll give the party a theme...haven tot of it yet cos studies occupies my life now...argh...



welll...this post's supposed to write abt my happiness about the msg my fren sent..and i ended up as always writng abt other stuff....


free think

yesterday did my env phototask till 12 plus...only to find others better in terms of creativity and neatness. when Pat said he keeps the good ones, does this means that he's forsaking those that are not attention catching? this sem's env psych is endin...and no more offering of it, as no other uni are providing this fun and easy module.

right..i've yetto do my social psych essay, env research paper, and stats...argh! revision has yet started.......a bad omen.

praying planning and preaching will do me good.

well well, haven blogged for a while, due to forensic(finished today) and social essay(haven finish!!!)

and i forgot what i watned to blog...
bought dress, bought a pair of sandal, ohoh...went to eat Ben and Jerry Ice CreamMMM!!!

yes..we went to queue up for the free ice cream after class at 5 and it was a super long stretch of people! was enjoying the atmosphere, with so many youngsters around. I felt as if i was back to sec to jc age! sigh..how i wish i can have those fun filled days!

so ya..qy and annie went to buy 'Prints' book, a coloured book that i've always wanted... thanks!!! oh

thanks be to Annie, Ariel, Joo Leng, QY and Rebecca, Wisnu i guess oso..hahaha i dunno! i'm so happy!! though i'm not an avid fan of lavender colour and of that pattern of the book, i'm contented. thanks!

oh...den Annie, Qy and me went to SOdoKu to eat the jap bazaar food. oh my god! t's my 2nd time and i'm still loving it!!!!!!!yum yum!

din take foto although i had a cam...well i'm not much of a cam whore yet...but yea...soon i will be... haahah! cos i realised that beauty should be captured. just like DeMing's interest, taking fotos....wow...he got this DLXR cam.....forgot e brand...you can go to his blog, if you find his facebook...hehe! well, i've yet to ask him if ican link him yet...yeah...soon... :D

yeah..so i ate cha soba, katsu don...annie ate a big big bowl of salad and this pasta which tasted ok...den qy ate Rosti, drank green tea and ate bacon and cheese ommelette. total 50 dollars. But it was fulfilling!!!!! yay!

den on 30th April, bought a Coca Napoleon, a narpone cheese with hazelnut base was aromatic and soft to the palate, yet crispy like biscuit, as if i was eating a very fulfilling biscuit with a topping of creame de la creame, and cocoa. oooo yeah! mmm!

it's not so sweet till you feel disgusted but just nice!

oh and i'm intendig to buy the same cake a 1 pc one for Nic. yeah..i said i'll buy him Prints...but...he insisted so hard that i shouldnt spend...well...i know what he meant...dun wan me to spend it as if i have a crush on him or something along that line...well.. i've never meant it that way..but..hmmm....1...i said bfore i'll get the intended gift and 2, i wanna give it as a friend...and he said his fren onky wished him, why not be a special fren..and yes..just fren, to him!?

he's delving in too much. i may have asked why would he wanna save up to buy a ring, but that doesnt mean i like him...and that doesnt mean i'm poking nose in his biz....but rather. Curious cos it is definitely an ambiguous term for anyone..but just me!!?!?!? oh my!

well yea.. he said that it's a mathematical term.... hahahahahah! God knows... perhaps he got a gf, he just dun wanna admit...hahaha! walao..i think until so far...but even if he has one...so?!

what s the big deal? ya lor...whats the big deal 'sia'...hahaha!

ok i sound like some ah lian..hahahah!

what the hell..i gues i've become more ah lian due to driving.



why??? cos pple will tend to cut into your lane without due care or without signalling properly, and i'll tend to like raise my hand...look closely! it's hand..not finger...hahahaha! i wont do that sign puh-lease!!!

hahaha! and i start to scold more lately...sigh...not virtue... no 内涵。 好失望。 no more guys wil like the virtuous yeelee le... oh..ya..and i've been speaking chinese lately...lost my flair(wrong spelling!) or flare of english. i needa speak more pro english..




if jcu pple doesnt knnw .... Our SWEET MEREDITH CHIOW left jcu...it was said that she left for MOE...wah...is it $$ matter?? impossibell! perhaps her efficiency is needed for the betterment of the society...(yes,'betterment for the society' is what i've learnt to say when i was in debates..wow..i learnt! :P)

oh yeah..so i purposely asked this lady who attended to me when i wanted to hand in my assignment. she said, 'oh, she's no longer with us.' I dunno if i heard her wrongly or what..(but impossibell)..so you KNOW what it means!!! walao...her enngrish ah.... i din point it out to her...cos i dun wanna appear mean!!! yeah!



hahaha! well..oh.. yuehan's going to...africa?? for ns exercise...wa...he's...i pity him...everytime suffer under the arrows of his heads(top bosses and brass) and he would complain. haha~! even before he departs at 2345 or 2335, he hates it so much... muahahaha! sorry dude....it's funny to see hwo you always complain.

ok...i guess that's all folks for now!