well..i forgot to say that last 2 days? or 3? i went to put on 4 metal rings on the 4molar teeth. and have to put rubber bands called 'scandenavia' so to move the teeth into a correct position befor i start puting on braackets for all teeth called braces... :D:D:D. but meanwhile, the moving of teeth was hell of a pain! i couldn't dat properly, talk properly and swallow my saliva properly. the brackets were abrasive. it cut e side of my tongue and i havet to bear with it for the next 6 weeks!! can u imagine it? damn!

i kinda forgot what i'm supposed to say for this post. yesterday i rmbed what to say ...but dreamt and forgot.

oh... to oso say, if you're ugly, dun worry. be smart.

okay... i'm going to say sorry for whatver i've said that was harsh..but... it's going to be true. i'm forgetting him for what i tot abt him. i should just...say hi one day if i ever pass by him and not stopping down to say how are you.

eh..wait..that's still harsh...well..i will say..hi..and give him the biggest smile....yes..and still harsh..walk off!

muahaha! i'll just watch and laugh

well... at that point of moment after reading this friend's blog, i felt sad and angry. he was someone whom i looked up to and someone whom i unknowingly had a crush on. was it a crush or i like him for who he was? it was a confused thot. i nv want to fathom what i was thinking really. it's justtoo complicated. love is such a complicated thing?

i guess i'm not going say what he wrote cos obviously, my love for him was not reciprocated. it's been ages since i ws so daring to give a guy what i think is good. giving him what i think he'll like and be daring to 'show' that i liked him...hm...to date back..the last time i did was when i was pri 6? damn it. i feel so embarrassed to think back.

yes. after reading it, i think i should just forget him for what he was to me then. i should just carry on with my life, having this hope to see someone i fancy in the future. should i treat him as a really normal friend? should i be reminded of what he was to me when i talk to him on msn again?

i should not. yes..i should not. cos the fact will nv change! and the fact is that...i'm someone of no value.

now you would wonder why i said that instead of the fact 'he'll nv love me like the way i did to him'!
easy. cos inference from his post, girls should just be pretty and be natural. and naturally pple esp guys will crowd around u and be great company. oh..with an outward personality too? baasically, girls---attractive, natural, bubbly, outgoing, fun, talking intelligently with humour, smart and at the same time, still dumber than guys so the guys can show off!?!?!?!?!

damn the guys.and damn whoever created me with such ugly features and and AND!!! the 2 most impt of all! not intelligent and not sociable a.k.a outgoing.

for the above, i'm not talking abt my parents...i'm talking abt the whole universe inclusive of destiny...fate..stars and moons, sun with meteors and etc etc that corresponds with the simple word 'chance'. if my mom were to be smarter, she'd chosen someone with greater look and greater financial status. oh some one who is also smarter. i'm not blaming my dad to be 'none of the above' cos that's a fact but, how dumb is it..my parents happened to be the wierdest pple on earth. not wierd to the really wierd extent..but with the pms temper of my dad, forgetful mom and both of them not really educated to the the point i think is sufficient(that is university and above) i think that sums up to the reason/fact that i am stupid and ugly.

ahhh..how is God playing tricks on us? that's just so unfair...cos He will give you something and take away from you something...but...since when i;m borned..i've nv realised what is that something that makes me stands out from the rest!!!! and He keeps taking things away from me. my beauty(taken long ago), my wits(dumber since sec and deteriorating as i progress), my memory(i'm getting senile everyday! darn!) and my...body?(i'm born with genes that will make me fat!) ah...there are more...billion more than now!

yes..i should just hate him...cos ofwhat he wrote...and i should just say..i shall stay away from him. i rather go on with my life without him...though he's a genius i can rely on for my M@7h5!?!?!?! but even i can rely on him for M@7h5...he's going to uni to study a degree heavier than the norm and i doubt he has the time..sigh!!

what am i going to do for stats for the next 3 years?!?!?! ahem!!! i'm not saying anything abt him!

God help me!(this may sounds controversial cos i just insulted Him..but..it's just ranting..isnt it? blogger!!!)

well..last saturday went back to sr for sc workshop. reached there around 745am and i felt so warm and so familiar with the env. yes..i'm back to where i belonged. i really miss jc life! how i wish i can see many friends and many other school mates. i enjoy going to school cos i get to see lotsa beautiful people including the people i like. of course that's not the only reason. but look forward to my cliques and jokes of the day. oh my. basically i just miss sitting around with my friends in class, go for lectures, hate tutorials, look forward to chem and maths tutorial. yes this part sounded ridiculous but that was what i felt last sat. oh..i also looked forward to recess and afterschool at 1230. yes! you get to see so many people. and felt so happy when you see the guy you like in the same canteen! haha!!! well..these are all good ol' memories. the good ol' times should just put behind us. haha!

yes so in computer room 1, near e canteen, i get the stuff prepared and enjoyt he aircon. time has come and in come the 20th...elects? or nominees? i guess it's elects. yeap..had jokes and fun...first time goig around giving tips and pointers on what to do. talked to them and interact so to SPOT who are the potentials for alumni. ya..we're recruiting. and i'm in charged! why? i'm the head of publicity! haha! ya..said that in the last previous ?? no. post.

well..sadly..that damn 'timothy' failed my expectation of him. he said he's gonna give me the name list. but until now?? it's goin' close to 5 days! damn him! and That Amos's not replying my msn msg.. argh..what's wrong with this world!

oh..whats wrong with this world? that doesnt apply to my studies sadly. i need a miracle. i';ve to study!~! damn

oh cont, after the workshop ended at abt 1230, we headed to kovan mac in cheekeong's car. we ate lotsa fries! yeaH! we had 4 big and 2 small fries. 1 packet is a shaker fries. yum yum! seaweed shaker! den we talked alot..laughed alot and it seems that that time should just cont and be nv ending~ i miss laughing days and the days with friends. that's why pple say...cherish your jc life! it ROCKS!!!!!!!

yeap...talked abt council...talked abt almost every thing..den diana came to get her withdrawal form and gave me e book.

after that..went to movie rental and too bad, jane's letter from iwo jima was out. so we just went to our homes in cheekeong's car.

ya becky's home's first. and we went round and around sengkang to find her house.haha! after that...bishan for jane's and finally, dropped me off at braddell mrt and cheekeong went back to his....toa payoh home...all things ended well! great day was that day!

yippies!

i heard this new song on the radio. it goes something like this' love love me, love love me.' 'shock shock me, shock shock me.' i think....ya

it's quite high pitched and i wonder if that band was called 'the darkness', one of my fav band. yes they are well known for their high pitched singer.

btw...my right molar teeth hurts like shit! i suspect it's decaying. ARRRGGGHHH!!!! NO WAY! who's going to be responsible for it if it decays? i brush my teeth like so clean and so many times??? i'll hate that surgeon Asher Li* he bloody doc! he extracted my wisdom until there's a hole in my gum at e back of my left molar! and i constantly have to rinse it.. afraid that food will be 'stored' in that hole !!! damn!

icant beleive i'm back to braces again!!!!(yes i noe i said this before in my prev post!) i'm going to miss my beautiful white teeth.(i know it's not total white!)

erm..just a comment, i dreamt alot of dreams, but i just couldnt recall them, alot of them were very fantastic! loL!!

Ciao!

hmm...dreamt abt my teeth loosening...yes! the bottom left..near front. eh..just behind the tiger tooth. yeah.. it was shaky and i went to the doc...the doc just pulled it out and e tooth was HOLLOW!!! AHHHHH!!!

i cant believe that!!!! it's painless somemore! no bleeding somemore!! ah!!! it's totally detachable with bacteria on the teeth! yucks! it's black at the root of the tooth! and i dunno why i still tried to put it back and see whether it fits into the hole or not..haha!! i din noe why i do that! well..dreams are wierd, i'm able to see my hole such that i see it from the above of my upper row. so that means what i saw in the hole is the teeth below (lower row) it was terrible...

doc said that he'll put a fake teeth in and will apply the gum onto it so it will grow into my original gum and stick the teeth back. so went out first with my hole...but to my horror i realised that the bacteria had ivaded my other tooth! argh! and it was shakey too! i plucked it out and it was painless. but this time, there's 2 dangling 'threads' on the root of the tooth! i tot it was some blood vessels..or some nerves! but nerves??? no pain??? and visible??? urgh!
so went back to see e same doc..but that bloddy doc din reply me but cont with his patients. damn him

and this lady from the far end on my left called out for me. she said she's going to deal with my prob..but somehow...dream got blurred...i think i rejected her..and ran towards the original doc. but she told me to come back.......

icant believe i had this dream! it's so scary!

idun want any infection!

i think i need to call the hosp.

mon went to winalite with hwee to this talk...and bloody hell..they din tell us what was in store for us...if not i'd gone for the thursday one! shit them! and hwee would have gone for e chi on thurs. it's more crowded and it's a talk which has a more convincing speaker than that alison. and it's a talk that will cater better to us better than any other talks...HAI!

howcan i convince someone? how can i improve? damn damn damn!!!!

in the past, i used to keep quiet and dun dare to say anything. but now..i dare to be more outgoing, and speak my mind. and i dare to talk to pple i dunno..though i'm still not doing it..(slowly!) time is the factor...

but like what alison said..time waits for no man, business is abt SPEED and NOT ABOUT SIZE.

but one thing i hate abt this company is, they dun have the habit..or the information post up to tell us what will the talks be and what will he be touching on....SIGH! it's dumb to tell us last minute, and every time CHRIS will call my mom around 1050 pm plus...it's like..why last minute??

is there any plot behind these? hopefully not. well....in fact..i dun have to worry abt others cos it's myself that i worry the most. how can i approach pple with all these i'm in? i cant possibly get the demo set with me walking around...waiting for opportunities! sigh!

i think i'll need to print many pieces of the newspaper cutting and distribute.and den get the nos. from pple who got the cuttings. MMH! YES! SET!

well..i guess i wont find my friends for these...i guess it's useless. there are thousand and one reasons they can give to reject you. not that i'm hating them but it's so true with my friends. so disappointed.

but i cant blame them either. they are not the decider(mktg term). but up to dem lor. it's such a healthy prod taht wil prepare us for the future. if stubborness comes in the way, it will only not stop them from proceeding but sometimes, regression. why reject such a good opportunity to get healthy.............AND.............EARN $$$(yeah! :D) it's the easiest money you can earn(not that you're cheating pple's money, BUT you're selling good stuff in xchange for $) that's all transaction means!

you may think it's china stuff...but hello?!?! it's all AMERICA MATERIAL and JAPAN'S NANOTECHNOLOGY. you wouldnt get such great deal anywhere. 7$ for 5800/cm3 anions, around 2.5 cm by 9 cm.. AND free self test kit in every packet!

anions is so impt to us cos in cities we're living in, ther's only 400 to 500 anions present in our air! and the researchers said that average we at least 1000 anions! so you should know what's good for you? esp for women! it's so not ventilated at our sensitive part?

dun think girls want recycled materials to be put underneath! ewww!

though it's so diff for me to start my first step, i will persevere on. cos what i know is that, my future will be a bright one. it doesnt matter if you know how to speak or not, learning is the way to changing oneself. once i get exposed to more pple, i will gain more experience. from there i will know how to tackle pple. like what alison said, jian ren shuo ren hua, jian gui shuo gui hua. meaning, you will speak in accordance to what the person is like and to find some interest we can talk abt.

argh. i always let pple slip thru my hand... potential ones are so near yet so far!

i hate myself!

Today had alumni meeting and i was appointed the head of publicity---so much things to do for publicity!!! aaarrrgggghhhh!!! it's time to put my thinking cap on? haha!! i neeed to think!!

Rebecca is the chapter head for dance...yeah..her passion has always been dance. she's very focused..i respect her for that.

Jane is the chapter head for student council. as always. loL! she took up Kendo..and becky took up 'ballroom' dance?? oh my god! so coooL! oh..and jane wrote my name in Jap! eh..it's super easy.. you know 'ren' as the left side of a word? that with 'yi', one. follwing is the teacher'shi' but only the left part. den with the 'yi' again. so it's a 4 word name. :D

i might describe it in a very wierd way..but i cant think now...sleepy~~

oh..den my sec sch fren chio me to join them for lunch. actually want to go back to study one..but then...after much ppondering..decided to join den for lunch at cineleisure. one very funy thing happened

cos Wiang bought chicken rice, with the chicken rice and soup all separate. den yh said to him that he only see the rice and the soup but nt the chickenn. well ws din catch that so i repeated to him that Yh thought you din 'jiao ji' (thatmeans he tot he only eat rice and no chicken) but becos i said it in 'abbreviations' that became like..you din call for a 'prostitute'!!!

goodness!!!! i cant believe i said that so quickly! it was super funny lor! everyone was like so wth..haha! Handi was laughing a lot too...haha!!

but for ws..he very ...hmm..flirtacious? as in he talks abt sex openly..talk dirty...but its all for fun..not that we are mindful of it.. we find him very 'se' thats all. haha!!! and becos he's that kind...cy said he suits the role of a man calling for hooker..hha! but it's al a joke. and he said..he dun mind that..he very much enjoy calling for hookers..hahahaha!

lol! that was so funny that i almost couldnt swallow down my food. oh oh ..and i was so afraid that my wounds would tear again..sigh...

talking abt my wounds..sigh..that bloody doc help me sew until i see a hole that food always stuck there. sigh...and always havet o use that syringe to wash those holey place...damn!

oh den we went walking heeren...saw lotsa handsome guys and pretty girls! wow! haha!

went to Rocky Masters to drink some coffee blend thingey..not me..but the boys only. dhats whre prob started

what prob you would be asking me. Well..Hwee started this small gathering..or meet up first....according to what they said. and yeah..we all just go and meet up. she said she's going to tampines courts to do some 'shopping' not real one...fake one...(extra info..pls ask her..i'm not sure if she allows me to spill it out the good deal of her job scope! lol!!!!) yeah we forgive her since she suggested and she's comin down. it's a tedious journey for her though.. take wat bus to bedok..den bus7 to our meeting place--cine. well...she den called cy that shes in holland V now. den we all like...huh? she's supposed to stop at the stop near national youth council. and den walk to cine to meet us... but sadly...she said she's not coming down ANYMORE. its ridiculous i find becos you can take another bus back..HV has all sorts of buss that goes thru orchard. just ask and you'll be given...e ans! but she refused..and insisted on going home. i mean..since you've come all the way to TP to central..why dun u just cont and meet us? it would be a much much much more happy occasion dan a sad...and frustrative situation wehre wiang was quite pissed and angry..and all others felt so lost..dunno what would their plans be. cos Xavier came at around 345?? around there...or 4...ya..he made this special effort to come and meet us! cant possibly go home after comin out for such a short time? ok that's nt THAT impt( not that i'm not giving respect to him, he's funny and he's likeable.) but...the point is..since hwee is the one suggesting it..she SHOULD come! no matter how late it is. it would be rather a displeasure to almost all of us if the person suggesting not coming...unless it's something really impt like. your house's on fire, or no one at home and some one needs a key. etc etc... choi choi! there's always a very cliche saying..it's better to be late than nver.

i seriously feel that its all abt responsibility and integrity. if u suggest and u said u want to come...just come and hesitate no more.

let the barriers in life not be the one that impede ur progression to be a better person. you gotta LEAVE ur COMFORT ZONE to CHANGE and UPGRADE urself so that you will grow and not always have the bad habits and constantly include new habits to make urself a better-used person. that's what i learn in my undertaking of my new biz of female health prod with the system called success unlimited and the mlm system a very structured and clear thing to us.

ye...so since hwee not comin..and i had to leave to meet my fren for church(yes..to Rach's COOS. argh..tell u...damn tired lor!) yeah..so when me and cy were heading the way to the mrt...along the way near Orange Julius, guess who i saw????????

OMG! it's Isa! yes... yess...the president of the 18th Student Council! it came as a shock to me becos! it's not the Isa i always see in schooll almost 'balding' hair, specs..uniform and shoes... yes..this time he work a balck 'fisherman' had, specs(same? or black..) black tshirt with a skull head in e middle,belt and jeans?? i think it's jeans..or some other material.. and shoes are...hmmmm..forgotten. yeap and he was smoking -_-""" super dots!!!!!!!!!!

well we saw each other. and i was excited cos seeing a fellow srjcian. he was like..*surprised but to too surprised* *showing a hand gesture to signal 'hi'* and he said an almost soundless 'hi'. well...as usual, he walked like some ah beng..getting reading to fight? or .....is it...some guy who like a pimp? *it's not any insult to him..but the outlook just gave me that kind of impression* yeah..i think he worked on his abs..and his stomach.

he had a paunch before..but now..he's slim and can see him being very stylish and cool . yeah!

i've always like his 'coolness' very high up in his status...yeah. smart and intelligent. friendly and funny. dramatic and yet serious at appropriate times. well.. he's just that perfect.

looking at his fashion wear now and comparing it with his intellect and his aces in lit hist and econs...you wouldnt even imagine that he's a smart punk..a smart ah beng..lol!!!!!

i'm not criticising! it's supposedto be a praise! :D :D :D

yea.so met with Rach to eat prata before going in...and during the sermon, the pastor asked us to smile at each other to indicate that we are free from all sins and hardship..etc...FOR NOW! yeah..and i din even realise!! that CHUAN EN LAI that guy who hosted the showfor some intl food with ANDREA DE CRUZ!!!! yes!!! i dun recognise him at all!! thinking he's some kid at around....22? i dunno what's his real age. he looked super young in person!!! yes! he's lower part of his face was kinda bloated>>>>> for i dunno wahtever the case is...and he wears a SPECS! he looked like some 24 25 year old adult in that show! and now??? so young?? it's impossible man! i still have my doubts!!! i still dun think he's him! omg!

oh oh..and i forgot to ask him if he could intro me to mediacorp jobs! damn! too engrossed in figuring how e real En Lai looks like!! damn!

durning e sermon...it's just some story telling by ther pastor..and it was droning session for me! i was abt to sleep..well in fact..slept.. until rach touched me and made me realised how rude was i. sigh....cant help it right!??!?!

at last..the whole thing end with some songs...and yeah...met some new pple..and that's all..

good nite!

1233am sign off! 19th May Sat

had a dream..but forgotten...what i rmbed was only my concern 4 my bro. ah..his studies as usual... :(

dat was 2 days ago..i think.. yeah then had another one this morning... dreamt abt someone asking me for help to find a house for his...and that is to search on web. and going to the polace virtually. But i only went to 1 to 2 places...not 50 places like he wanted me to do. i've got other stuff to do...u know? and i clearly saw his face that he gave me that kind of look...like 'WHHHAAATTT???'

after that, i dreamt of asking someone..to go under water to take the spade(for gardening) it was a tough job.i took it from the water but dropped it and it was a feat to try to recover..cos it's so difficult..i gave up and went up to surface. oh..and the sand bed..i was abt to touch it when it cracked...and i quickly went up. oh btw...it's golden sand!!! woohooo!


yeah..and i woke up...to the loud cracky voice of the singer on the radio as alarm...lol!!!

the ending of my post was rather narrative, like a story book..:D:D:D

whoa! guess some pple have seen my nick..yes..all the F words...not going to REPEAT again! i hate repeating stuff that irritated me. cos i'll have to feel sad once more and ramble them all over again..making my fingers tired and my soul broken. basically it's the words and tones of my aunt that killed me.

hmmm...Mr kwon came to singapore came today just to watch me do the demo...sigh! i din know he came from korea just to watch this! and i screwed it up! yes mom i know i screwed it up and yes dad i screwed it up! but hello? i din know they came here to see this and going abck after taht! and i wasnt in my own self when i did the demo..it seems that i forgot what to say. and seeing his wife...i was dumbfounded becos she's got the look like ' what are u doing here? i dun want to watch..i dunno why i'm here for' disinterested look! i was perturbed by that look...and becos i wasnt familar with them..and i was afraid that they dun understand my eng...so in the end...i did the demo stuttering..dunno waht to say. sigh!

but i wasnt like this in the morning..when explaining to the malay stall auntie abt the mktg strategy. sigh! i can dea lwith foreigners!

oh btw...Mr Kwon...he's my dad's friend...sigh! i cant believe i disappoint dad like that...

but he did have to tell mom so badly abt me. mom told me abt it and i found it irritated...dunno why..i was so bad tempered. iguess mom's way of putting that across was kind of reprimanding me. well..she was kind of before she said what dad told her. she ws 'reprimanding' me abt how i did the demo in e office. sigh...i dunno why i was clumsy too! ok>? dun ask me! i'm vexed! ig uess it's the event i said earlier on that made me so angry.

but anyway..i'm grateful that Mr kwon gave us 6 tins of salted seaweeds! weeee!!! going to stuff myself with them!! yum yum!!! no one's snatching them away from me!~!!!!! yes!

oh i thank Rach for praying for me 'thru' the fone! haha!!! she was praying with her heart..i can tell..though there's alot ofpausing..haahah! but it's from her... from the withins of her.haha!

thanks Rach!

watched what my cousin sent me of her son..haha! damn funny! the kid was so smart..he knows my cousin was video-ing him..and he came over to grab it! ah! haha!

oh and she's expected another boy...sigh! we all want a girl! Let's Pray for a girl man!

1244am May 16th 2007

whoa! guess some pple have seen my nick..yes..all the F words...not going to REPEAT again! i hate repeating stuff that irritated me. cos i'll have to feel sad once more and ramble them all over again..making my fingers tired and my soul broken. basically it's the words and tones of my aunt that killed me.

hmmm...Mr kwon came to singapore came today just to watch me do the demo...sigh! i din know he came from korea just to watch this! and i screwed it up! yes mom i know i screwed it up and yes dad i screwed it up! but hello? i din know they came here to see this and going abck after taht! and i wasnt in my own self when i did the demo..it seems that i forgot what to say. and seeing his wife...i was dumbfounded becos she's got the look like ' what are u doing here? i dun want to watch..i dunno why i'm here for' disinterested look! i was perturbed by that look...and becos i wasnt familar with them..and i was afraid that they dun understand my eng...so in the end...i did the demo stuttering..dunno waht to say. sigh!

but i wasnt like this in the morning..when explaining to the malay stall auntie abt the mktg strategy. sigh! i can dea lwith foreigners!

oh btw...Mr Kwon...he's my dad's friend...sigh! i cant believe i disappoint dad like that...

but he did have to tell mom so badly abt me. mom told me abt it and i found it irritated...dunno why..i was so bad tempered. iguess mom's way of putting that across was kind of reprimanding me. well..she was kind of before she said what dad told her. she ws 'reprimanding' me abt how i did the demo in e office. sigh...i dunno why i was clumsy too! ok>? dun ask me! i'm vexed! ig uess it's the event i said earlier on that made me so angry.

but anyway..i'm grateful that Mr kwon gave us 6 tins of salted seaweeds! weeee!!! going to stuff myself with them!! yum yum!!! no one's snatching them away from me!~!!!!! yes!

oh i thank Rach for praying for me 'thru' the fone! haha!!! she was praying with her heart..i can tell..though there's alot ofpausing..haahah! but it's from her... from the withins of her.haha!

thanks Rach!

watched what my cousin sent me of her son..haha! damn funny! the kid was so smart..he knows my cousin was video-ing him..and he came over to grab it! ah! haha!

oh and she's expected another boy...sigh! we all want a girl! Let's Pray for a girl man!

1244am May 16th 2007

whoa! guess some pple have seen my nick..yes..all the F words...not going to REPEAT again! i hate repeating stuff that irritated me. cos i'll have to feel sad once more and ramble them all over again..making my fingers tired and my soul broken. basically it's the words and tones of my aunt that killed me.

hmmm...Mr kwon came to singapore came today just to watch me do the demo...sigh! i din know he came from korea just to watch this! and i screwed it up! yes mom i know i screwed it up and yes dad i screwed it up! but hello? i din know they came here to see this and going abck after taht! and i wasnt in my own self when i did the demo..it seems that i forgot what to say. and seeing his wife...i was dumbfounded becos she's got the look like ' what are u doing here? i dun want to watch..i dunno why i'm here for' disinterested look! i was perturbed by that look...and becos i wasnt familar with them..and i was afraid that they dun understand my eng...so in the end...i did the demo stuttering..dunno waht to say. sigh!

but i wasnt like this in the morning..when explaining to the malay stall auntie abt the mktg strategy. sigh! i can dea lwith foreigners!

oh btw...Mr Kwon...he's my dad's friend...sigh! i cant believe i disappoint dad like that...

but he did have to tell mom so badly abt me. mom told me abt it and i found it irritated...dunno why..i was so bad tempered. iguess mom's way of putting that across was kind of reprimanding me. well..she was kind of before she said what dad told her. she ws 'reprimanding' me abt how i did the demo in e office. sigh...i dunno why i was clumsy too! ok>? dun ask me! i'm vexed! ig uess it's the event i said earlier on that made me so angry.

but anyway..i'm grateful that Mr kwon gave us 6 tins of salted seaweeds! weeee!!! going to stuff myself with them!! yum yum!!! no one's snatching them away from me!~!!!!! yes!

oh i thank Rach for praying for me 'thru' the fone! haha!!! she was praying with her heart..i can tell..though there's alot ofpausing..haahah! but it's from her... from the withins of her.haha!

thanks Rach!

watched what my cousin sent me of her son..haha! damn funny! the kid was so smart..he knows my cousin was video-ing him..and he came over to grab it! ah! haha!

oh and she's expected another boy...sigh! we all want a girl! Let's Pray for a girl man!

1244am May 16th 2007

whoa! guess some pple have seen my nick..yes..all the F words...not going to REPEAT again! i hate repeating stuff that irritated me. cos i'll have to feel sad once more and ramble them all over again..making my fingers tired and my soul broken. basically it's the words and tones of my aunt that killed me.

hmmm...Mr kwon came to singapore came today just to watch me do the demo...sigh! i din know he came from korea just to watch this! and i screwed it up! yes mom i know i screwed it up and yes dad i screwed it up! but hello? i din know they came here to see this and going abck after taht! and i wasnt in my own self when i did the demo..it seems that i forgot what to say. and seeing his wife...i was dumbfounded becos she's got the look like ' what are u doing here? i dun want to watch..i dunno why i'm here for' disinterested look! i was perturbed by that look...and becos i wasnt familar with them..and i was afraid that they dun understand my eng...so in the end...i did the demo stuttering..dunno waht to say. sigh!

but i wasnt like this in the morning..when explaining to the malay stall auntie abt the mktg strategy. sigh! i can dea lwith foreigners!

oh btw...Mr Kwon...he's my dad's friend...sigh! i cant believe i disappoint dad like that...

but he did have to tell mom so badly abt me. mom told me abt it and i found it irritated...dunno why..i was so bad tempered. iguess mom's way of putting that across was kind of reprimanding me. well..she was kind of before she said what dad told her. she ws 'reprimanding' me abt how i did the demo in e office. sigh...i dunno why i was clumsy too! ok>? dun ask me! i'm vexed! ig uess it's the event i said earlier on that made me so angry.

but anyway..i'm grateful that Mr kwon gave us 6 tins of salted seaweeds! weeee!!! going to stuff myself with them!! yum yum!!! no one's snatching them away from me!~!!!!! yes!

oh i thank Rach for praying for me 'thru' the fone! haha!!! she was praying with her heart..i can tell..though there's alot ofpausing..haahah! but it's from her... from the withins of her.haha!

thanks Rach!

watched what my cousin sent me of her son..haha! damn funny! the kid was so smart..he knows my cousin was video-ing him..and he came over to grab it! ah! haha!

oh and she's expected another boy...sigh! we all want a girl! Let's Pray for a girl man!

1244am May 16th 2007

cant believe my mood came back after smelling mom's perfume. Elizabeth Arden's Provocative. ahhh! it's equivalent to 'pheromone' forgot how it's spelt. yes..i'm kinda guilty abt that cos during pw, my fellow classmates did a proj on that! but anyway, it's some kind of natural smell from some things that will lift up the mood of stressed up adults. indeed. it's provocative! i actually din look forward to school tmr (though it's just computer and marketing class) but after smelling it and in addition, looking at profiles on friendster of some cute guys in sr...haha!...my day was quite :D! and listening to music now...the mood is all so goody good!

ah yes..that guy whom i say cute in friendster is called *ndre* ya..he's really got the 'prince' look. refine, smart( i supposedly assume he is), and great sportsmanship! oh...he's tall too! fair and ...hmm..ya.likeable.

well...jc 1 in 2006 are all so attractive! haha!

i'm glad that i'm in SC. cos i get to know so many pple..eh...know them as in seen them in school. but the good thing is...OTHER PPLE KNOW U!!!!

yeah! PR somemore! haha!! special! ;-)

i advice whoever wants to join other cca as cca(lol), consider sc..cos it's a double deal for the price of 1! u get my drift i guess!

1119pm!13th may

Oh! did i forget to say that on the day of my operation, i walked into the OT, the whole place was so much like Old Changi Hosp's OT? it's big..almost empty except for the operating bed and other surgical paraphernalia around it in the middle of the room? the surrounding was green and white in colour...quite scary...

yes!!! i mention OCH becos! the first impression the OT gave me was that!!!! so disgusting! argh! goodness! they should atleast put some nice picture...or paint the wall with a nicer and a warmer colour right??? yes i know..the colour must suit the env... and it should be politically right...blah blah blah

but hey! your job is not only to give pple some new hopes but also...to make them less afraid of the wunder beo-tachnorlorgi!(it's purposely spelt that way!) jobs of the angels are not easy too! ;-)

yes...and the Obed was quite small too! hmph~!

but i like their blanket! it's the only assuring thing you can ever get! it's thick and warm..and so yours! it didnt make me feel as if it's the hosp's! no smell of dettol or any antiseptic! haha!!!

oh their sleeping bed was..hmm..good..at least..you're able to sleep soundly in. the aircon was just right...but they just dunhve a bolster.....HAHAHA!!! the pillow was...ok..haha!!!

12th may signing off @650pm

ya..today was my operation and it is totally like what anthro reading told me. In a hospital, they take away your culture by over dominate you with their own medical culture. it's authoritative, thats why by common sense..or by our inclinati0n, we tend to go with the higher authority. after all, you cant do anything to your teeth except the dentists right? so we sort of have to follow their instructions. after that, went to change...yes
they stripped u of yourculture...and what's disgusting was, they asked you t o stip your clothes and change into theirs! of cos in e tooilet! what wer u thinking? lol!
ya..i felt so bare wearingthat.....ewwww! and it's something like kimono that the clothes is over each other?adnyou tie the strings.... the clothe is basically larger than me and becos of that..i have to hold on to my front part of the clothe...cos it's revealing..argh!
ya..met this really young and studious looking doc..i think he's some kind of an apprentice? he looked as though he's still studying jc or 1-2 year uni! ya..very boyish! but he's explanation were clear and he looked experienced. whoa.
ya..and later on..this nurse came to me to 'spray' literally, into my nose. that is to prevent me from feeling the pain when they put the tube thru my nose into the windipe for oxygen. yes..it backslided and went into my throat...sigh..that's the worst feeling i can ever get!
soon the anaesthetic took place..and i felt my nose cold? or warm? but basically i dint have any feelings, felt as if i can breathe in vaccumm(is this how you spell it? i'm lazy u know) kinda diff i guess...
den i told you the anaes backslided right? that's when i felt i cannot breath! like i'm breathing hard in e water! still can breathe though(as if i'm in water).but becos the anaes make me felt as if my windpipe had swelled or i've got tumour in my windpipe...that made me breathed harder for air...trying to gasp while ican! haha!
but after doing that..i felt it was worst. so i just breathe normally..thru e super airy nose of mine!

right...so as part of the Nacirema(read it the opp) culture..i've decided to undergo this major surgery of my life!(it's considered minor to them though! keke!) yes! it's major i say cos i've never been anaesthetised(if theres such word) such that i go to sleep! argh! it was a painful experience!(not exactly until you read e post further down abt my current situation!) yes..before they put the sharp sharp needle into my left hand, they said, ' put her to sleep now?' 'ya, put her to sleep'

i was like.........OH MY GOD! what word they used! that sentence is so sensitive alright?!?!?! i'm not a stray dog or any other animals that no one wants, ok!?!?!?! i dun want to die!!!! argh! they should at least, i emphasis 'at least'!, said,' put the anaesthetic now?' or 'let her sleep now??'
sigh! yes! again...from anthro view, in an OTheatre, if the women(nurses!) are in the OT, and in additional a female surgeon, the women would expect alot from the female surgeon nott o say insensitive words. The surgeon is expected to be a female..and not say 'taboo-ed' words that only the men can say. yes..male surgeon are not being observed for these like the female ones. it' s a fact that they can say words like 'damn, shit, quick! give me the knife, give me the gauze...more..all at once...'
they will be deemed as demanding, not feminine...ruthless, insensitive...etc! however...the women will not complain if that surgeon is a male! *** probably they find the males surgeon attractive! hahaha! stereotypers!*** oh...and instead..they would follow his instruction....and even more, automatically dab away his sweat! i dun think the female surgeon are being treated that way..though they still dab..i think they are being requested by e surgeon. and they would do it unwillingly becoc they will findher demanding. unless the surgeon is not demanding..sensitive..and etc all the females could be...they might find her mor amicable..and treat her nicer.

yes, back to where we are, the anaesthetist jabbed into my meatless hand and now that i see my hand, there's 2 holes! yes!!! why 2? why not 1??? damn it! dunno how to poke! she's a female!!! * yes i emphasise that becos i'm one of those women i mentioned above! huahuahua!
so i felt as if i was possessed...hahaha!!! yes..cos it's excruciatingly painful. try it yourself if u dun beleive...and only if e top of your hand is meat less as mine! ha!
yes..so they say oxygen is needed for the anaes to take effect..but hmmm...the oxygen mask was..not like those mask where you see the O2 gas coming out. haha~ but the prob is!!! i dun feel any O2 at all! it's so warm..and i need to BREATHE HARD to TRY to take in the smelly O2 from the mask! argh...of course..they said before they are inserting a tub into my windpipe for the O2 thingey. it toook them quite sometime to start delivering the anaes..argh..................

Just like those movie, they inject u with some disease-containing fluid into your bloodstream. andyou can feel as if..the virus is attacking every bloocells of urs and how they disintergrate cell body and your tissues... yes..my left arm was excruciatingly painful! i thought i'm going to lose my arm becos i felt the virus was to powerful. it bit on tightly to my muscles and skin, and other viruses are den responsible for drilling holes into my bones! i felt that they are progressive. the start from my wrist..and it quickly established their empire in my bones until my upper arm. i felt weak...i felt no energy to fight against the evil creatures! it's painful cos of the muscle disintegration!
as soon as the virus caught me..i fell my vision blurred! literally~ those OT lights were big!!!! 8 altogether...3 of them are separated from the main5. yes...i couldnt fight against the stronger force on my eyelid. it's a feeling of over exhaust yourself when you're studying! but of course..a stronger one! so becos it was so painful..i STILL knitted my eyebrows after my lids were closed. i hear the anaes doc asking me to relax...and....slowly...i began...to...get...in..to...sleep...and... the..pain sub..sided...ima...gin...ar...ly.

yes, when i woke up to my conscious in my mind(but still unconscious totally, cos ifelt sleepy!) i could....wait...it's that stupid nice nurse who gently slapped my face to wake me up! argh damn her! i needed my sleep ok? i planned to replenish and make up for the past few days' short sleeps.
so i replied back by TRYING,PRYING my eyelids open and nod my head...to indicate i'm still alive, thank god for that! so i went back to sleep again..haha! but that moron nurse..ya..e same one who stood beside me called out to me again. hahaha! 'call out' to me sounds as if my soul was somewhere floating around..refusing to come back into my body! lol! well it's true though..i felt as if i'm floaty and i'm sleepy...
but one thing nice abt her...she put my hair back...into a proper position(though it didnt help much! haha~) ya..reminds me of some show where the guy put their gf's hair back..haha!
so..i slept fo quite sometime...untill 1150, the nurse took away my, this time not a swear word but a literal word..." bloody gauze"! it's dark in red and below is my dracula foto~haha

oh i woke up from my beauty sleep becos of the kid that cried for every little things he felt and hear and watsoever? and that mom of his is so..immatured ? i dunno wat sh did to him to make him CRY?? she said sorry...well..obviously right? she must have wanted to look at his teeth an that worsen his pain! it was never ending~ ahhh!!
i woke up to eat my pain killers becos e pain is coming in! and that few moments..the kid didn make any cries..but after i changed my gauze and ate my pills,the loud hailer sounded agaiN!?!! but why now??? i want to sleep ok???
and i slept from 12pm to 1 15 i think..it was not a fulfilling one. cos of that arggh, kid?! there's 2 and luckily one went away...sigh...i keep hearing him and i couldnt put my conscious to unconscious and i was in fact awake while sleeping...i even know my mom came and looked at me..and before i took my medicine i knew she took e pic of me.
yes..during my sleep.the nurse came to take my pressure... another pain to suffer..it was so pressurizing that i felt numb and painful at the same time when the thing puffed up. urgh! 2 times summor!

finally the doc(who explained to me e details and the one who looked very boyish) came and used the super duper laser beam( in actual..it's just a very bright light used in e OT but ony 1 lightbulb) to shine into my mouth. well..he said i'm ready to go. argh..and he asked me to get off e bed and walk to him..that was to proof i'm not giddy when i discharged.

ya below are e pics but
WARNING: these pictures could be disturbing to certain people. if you have any weak heart pls refrain from watching the pictures below.* damn.i forgot what is the standard warning on e show! *

sign off 1144pm 9th may

after reading hwee's blog...i felt so sad...i cant believe i got such bad result for A and i didnt put my fav course for the 1st choice. i dunno what i put...cos i didn print it out as i thought i'll nv make it into local u. also i've already signed up with jCu. sigh...but it'd be a great feeling that the prof and other applicants asked u out for dinner regarding your course. and they even help you to look out for ur name in the appeal. argh!

i guess i need to pray..i keep saying i want..but at i dint..what's wrong? i need to pray, ask for a good divination(hopefully) for my future studies and the path i took...sigh...if it's not...SIGH! i guess i'll need to ask for any precaution measures den.

sigh..i think i've been spending lots of $$$ these days ever since i moved into my new house. $ for school, $for food, $ for transport,$for shoes, $ for dental!

wat else what else??? i need to stoP!

hwee...where did you go and pray? i want to go oso...sigh..i need to change my luck and fate somehow! ha!

ha! yesterday i think...ya...yh talked to me...and it's not abt army! hahaha!!!

i think he read my post..lol...hmmm..a good ranting place indeed...

but if you're reading it yh...pls dun take it to heart! i really dun mean anything bad! you're still the mr nice guy and the one who always tio-ed arrows one..lol!!! oh...and the one who always complain abt army taking away ur youth..muahaha!

well..you gotta admit you're 'old' oready. haha!!!

oh..talked abt uni..and i sort of hate to talk abt this topic becos it kinda saddens me whenever i hear it. no doubt wilmer 'consoled' me abt diff pple has diff goals and it's their choice. all means are good still..ya..

hmmm...at that moment when he said that..i felt such great relief!

but as always, i feel so small and so insignificant as compared to W cos he's so clever! he's independent and he's got plan..

ya..an ideal guy..lol!

just joking though!

blurry future! :(

1007pm 7 may 07

huahuahua! i'm currently blogging in 0705 Spring Singapore! i'm currently having subject ss1103. subject is COMPUTING SKILLS FOR THE SOCIAL AND BEHAVIOURAL SCIENCES

ya...currently the projector's having a prob...and while we wait for the com man to arrive, we are going thru the quiz we did last fri. i got 7...out of 9...sigh! how disappointing!

you're supposed to get 9 out of 9! it's a super easy quiz! ok..nuff said!

oh..and he said there will be more of the quizzes comin' up.

shucks, i'vwe not started on my py1101 exploring psychoogy assignment! its dued on 18th may! and there's so much to write for goodness sake! argh!

and test's on this tues...have yet finish reading them and dunno how the qns are going to be like. yar..said before it's an athropology test...graded!? supposedly...

yesterday jo asked me out to shop with CY and her..sigh..how i wish i can just get some money to buy some clothes to transform myself..ooh! and some assessories such as the necklace pple always wear...

but...studies come first!

sign off at 950am 7th may

mom came back on 5/5..and she's down with flu.

but she's so yacky about winalite...alot of events happened in Bangkok..and i cant blog them cos its all in bits and pieces. and i dun feel like blogging them cos it don really interest me


erm...i haven talk to that person for quite sometime...wonder what's he up to..sigh...instead...i've been talking to Yh for like everyday..and nothing else but...................ARMY??????????????????


goodness..should i say it here???


well..its not that i'm not interested in army... talking abt it is ok...fine..but...everyday??


i guess there's nothing to talk about btween me and him....except army, ...sigh!


am i really a person to talk to abt army?? or is it that i'm treated as a 'guy'????

i look like a girl..but they probably felt the boyish personality in me. hmmmm..or is it i'm 'stronger' and more 'independent' in terms of character?

Goodness! my SS1103 assignment had to redo the whol thing cos i din double spacing...lack of & commas and wrong spacing for the reference part!!!!argh!!!

and the colour of th paper is diff!! the one i print at school is super white and my one is super yellowish! argh..this sucks! this is going to give a bad impression on Patrick.. he's gonna give me a super low marK!!! he said it's ok this ok that...but hello? who doesnt know what you're thinking man? ok ok..but inside will be so disgusted by me?!

and for the content page..i amend it with correction fluid and use a black ink pen to write it...argh..and they looked horrendous! i even wrote in pencil how sorry am i to do that? hopefully he sees that and empathise with me..hahaha! *learnt a new word...empathy vs sympathy* sigh..and after reading he would erase them away..argh..U suck, PatricK! argh.. though he's really good and good looking..still..sometimes i feel its better to do all stuff alone by myself..it's much better becos you can do it as and when you like and with no one caring about what mistakes you've done!

sigh...nuff said abt school...let's talk abt driving man!

i went there from home at abt 815 and i reached ther about 845pm..wow! early! eh..no la..it's 850 that driving starts. but luckily i got a 'super' good instructor! He's indian and he's called Ram*sh. erm...i think i made a good impression on him..hahha!!!

well the first lesson, i didnt want to be so tensed up and i'll want the instructor to have a good impression on me..so i kinda 'relaxed' and talk like some friend of his! haha! well..he was quite stern..or is it becos he doesnt know me..he tried to keep it strictly to student and teacher relationship. it's like you can really feel that kind of atmosphere.

Right..so e end of 1st lesson was ok...talking like normal friend...

so the 2nd lesson which was today, i couldnt find the car no..andafter some instructor told me abt it..i saw him waving and asking to go to whre the car was...

den in the car he said...i was waving at youbut you din see.. u din walk all the way to the end."

i was thinking..'eh...how come him again..at this time..and the same me? he probably have got good impression of me..haha! let's see how for lesson 2.'

indeed.he was freindly...and i initiated alot of topics to talk..and he spoke in a more ...friend to friend relationship. haha!!! eyah...

so as usual..got alot of times e engine died on me..bloody shit...

but..i got used to it..got the hang of it ..i was doing quite well!

tried turning at bent..hha!! yeah!!! good good.

we had laughters and more talks during my lessons..haah!

after e leson...he was so 'good' he said...ok ah..careful and good nite..'


haha!!! well..had improvements and i'm satisfied!
at 4th may 1130pm

Goodness! my SS1103 assignment had to redo the whol thing cos i din double spacing...lack of & commas and wrong spacing for the reference part!!!!argh!!!

and the colour of th paper is diff!! the one i print at school is super white and my one is super yellowish! argh..this sucks! this is going to give a bad impression on Patrick.. he's gonna give me a super low marK!!! he said it's ok this ok that...but hello? who doesnt know what you're thinking man? ok ok..but inside will be so disgusted by me?!

and for the content page..i amend it with correction fluid and use a black ink pen to write it...argh..and they looked horrendous! i even wrote in pencil how sorry am i to do that? hopefully he sees that and empathise with me..hahaha! *learnt a new word...empathy vs sympathy* sigh..and after reading he would erase them away..argh..U suck, PatricK! argh.. though he's really good and good looking..still..sometimes i feel its better to do all stuff alone by myself..it's much better becos you can do it as and when you like and with no one caring about what mistakes you've done!

sigh...nuff said abt school...let's talk abt driving man!

i went there from home at abt 815 and i reached ther about 845pm..wow! early! eh..no la..it's 850 that driving starts. but luckily i got a 'super' good instructor! He's indian and he's called Ram*sh. erm...i think i made a good impression on him..hahha!!!

well the first lesson, i didnt want to be so tensed up and i'll want the instructor to have a good impression on me..so i kinda 'relaxed' and talk like some friend of his! haha! well..he was quite stern..or is it becos he doesnt know me..he tried to keep it strictly to student and teacher relationship. it's like you can really feel that kind of atmosphere.

Right..so e end of 1st lesson was ok...talking like normal friend...

so the 2nd lesson which was today, i couldnt find the car no..andafter some instructor told me abt it..i saw him waving and asking to go to whre the car was...

den in the car he said...i was waving at youbut you din see.. u din walk all the way to the end."

i was thinking..'eh...how come him again..at this time..and the same me? he probably have got good impression of me..haha! let's see how for lesson 2.'

indeed.he was freindly...and i initiated alot of topics to talk..and he spoke in a more ...friend to friend relationship. haha!!! eyah...

so as usual..got alot of times e engine died on me..bloody shit...

but..i got used to it..got the hang of it ..i was doing quite well!

tried turning at bent..hha!! yeah!!! good good.

we had laughters and more talks during my lessons..haah!

after e leson...he was so 'good' he said...ok ah..careful and good nite..'


haha!!! well..had improvements and i'm satisfied!

today...had metal rings mounted around on my molar teeths. it hurt like shit. the doc force the rubber band btwn my wisdom teeth and the teeth with metal ring. and it felt as if there's this super big zeepenbottle(food stuck in btwn teeth. i forgot how it's spelt!) and it's super painful cos you feel like removiing it!

now with the metal ring..i cant bite my teeth properly and it seems like it's out of the way..argh...

becos of that metal thing in my mouth..my mouth is so suan.tired? cos it's constantly being stretched....to an extent la...

and i cant bite my food properly. and i got no feeling o the food...cos i din bite properly...eh..rather..i couldnt bite properly.

sigh..and the whole braces thing is going to last for abt 2 yrs +++??? eww!

wahaha! today was my first lesson for driving. it was quite scary because you didnt know what to do when you first sat at the passenger seat(front). when my instructor came, i didnt expect him to be an indian. hmmm...*pondering* is there any bias against indians present in the society? hmm...i guess it's always the lateness that's e problem right? haha! well..he's kinda 5 mins late...around there...but the clock on the car showed that he's just 1 min late. well..watever. but when ended, the time was 12 08pm. the whole thing started at 1031am. it's a 1hour 40mins session... time flies!

the whole lesson i was learning about gear 1 and almost 15mins left(i supposed) i'm into gear 2. I moved out of the parking lot after i've familiarised my self with half clutch and acceleration, and half clutch when reversing. It was quite scary cos the car moved rather fast even though its just the clutch that i released half way. of course..along the way, i stalled e engine afew times cos i forgot to depress the clutch before braking. 1 lesson i learnt----acceleration steady,release clutch half way(slowly) and release further to let go... to brake, i'll have to depress the clutch before depressing the brake. that is for gear 1 only!

if i want to change gear, i'll have to release the accelerator and depress the clutch fully to change gear and after that...free of clutch and total control of accelerator. of course..for gear 2 and above, i'll have to first brake before quickly depress the clutch.

before moving off, i'll have to change gear to 1 before moving off with the same technique said above.

It was turning that always make my heart skipped a beat. cos i'm still not familiarized with when to release slowly accelerator and turn at the correct angle and the correct no. of steering and to step up after the turn.. e instructor told me that i'll have to look at the situation when turning, and it doesnt depends on the no. of turns of steering wheels.

there's one time when i over steered my steering and i had almost bang into another learner car. i was like...shit..how come i didnt see that?! the instructor of course helped me steer back...phew! it was so close to accident man!

overall..i'd kinda grasp the feeling of driving...and i guess i need constant practice...argh. i hate to make mistakes!

but luckily the instructor was kind enough to tolerate my constant forgetfulness in maintaining the hands at 9 and 3. as well as clutch and acceleration ....

overall was a great feeling. cos you get to be in control! yeah!

signs off on 2nd May 2007 2.30pm